Flash - Duel at the Pool - 2008

30 Aug 2008 14:30
30 Aug 2008 17:00
Kits Pool, Vancouver, BC Canada

whale sharkmako shark








What: A 5K swim in Kits Pool. At 8 complete laps to the kilometer, that makes this challenge 20 laps, or 40 lengths of the world's best pool.

Why: Because you can.

Who: The Whale Shark, the Mako Shark and whoever else wants in.


Entry: There is no fee and you don't need to be a member of Club Fat Ass to participate in a Flash event, however whining is not allowed. No registration is required but please indicate your participation via the comment form below. You are responsible for your own well being and safety and should be self sufficient.

History: There is a long-standing history to this event, event though this is the first time it is being offered as a Club Fat Ass Flash event. Some of that history is in the comments below under past taunts.

2007 - postponed because the pool was closed due to a strike

2006 - the Mako Shark wins!  Whale Shark stops 1/2 way for a snooze 

Please read the Release of All Claims. By participating in this event you agree to the terms of the Release of All Claims.


MakoShark's picture


OK, I the Mako Shark, do hereby publicly acknowledge that my sorry fat Mako ass got kicked the other day.  Yes, the Whale Shark beat the Mako Shark by 90 seconds in a mano-a-mano duel to the death over 5 kilometers.

What does the Mako have to say about that?  "I want a rematch!"

Given it was a Thursday afternoon in September, the water was clear of kiddie pee and coconut oil.  The sun was shining and temperatures on the pool deck were in the high 20s.  Whale Shark and the Mighty Mako were attending a conference that day and decided to dog it for a couple of hours... but not before consuming their respective weights in sandwiches and pie.

Whale Shark and the Mako did their thing for the planet and car-pooled over to Kits Pool, but the devious Whale Shark flung the Mako's special racing shorts (the knee-length, powder blue Hawaiian ones that smell like mould) into the back seat where they remained during the duel.  From the get-go, Mako was at a disadvantage as, in the interest of public decency, he had to wear the Whales Shark's guachies.

For fuel, the Whale Shark chose orange Gatorade while the Mako went with a bottle of coke as the Sharkies were with his aloha shorts back at the conference.  The first 3 kilometers rolled by stroke for stroke as if on an odometer.  True, the blubbery Whale Shark did start to pull away at the start of km4, but only after striking the honest Mako on the head with his pull-buoys, which somehow kept flying off whenever the Mako pulled into the lead.

High-5s were exchanged at the end of 40 laps and both sharks dried off in the warm autumn sun and soaked in the magnificent views.  

Tradition has it that the winner of the Duel at the Pool buys the looser a beer.  However, the spendthrift Whale Shark broke with tradition by returning to the conference happy hour, leaving the thirsty Mako to survive on his own wits.

Best 2 / 3 next summer, Whale Shark?

Jon Husband's picture

Official 2008 Results Now Verified .. Boo-Yah !

The 2008 Duel At The (Kitsilano) Pool was held on Thursday afternoon, September 11, 2008 from 2h30 pm till 5h00 pm. The "race" involved swimming 40 lengths of the 137.5 metre Kitsilano pool, for a total of 5,500 metres. The Duel involved two participants … Ean Jackson, aging tri-athlete also known as the Mako Shark, and Jon Husband, almost-fat lazy slob, also known as the Whale Shark ... The hard-fought duel culminated in the Whale Shark touching home first in an elapsed time of 1 hour and 50 minutes, followed by the limping-along Mako Shark touching home in just under 1 hour and 52 minutes. The pace was pretty torrid (honestly … you try this), with the two 50+ year-old fake fish moving along at a pace of 2 minutes per 100 metres ... Ean "Mako" Jackson, promptly went to a sales meeting and then went out drinking (vestiges of his Iron Man mentality) whereas Jon "Whale" Husband went back to a conference reception, consumed two beers, and then went home to the confines of his personal Intensive Care Unit (also known as his bedroom) where he immediately passed out, exhausted.
Jon Husband's picture

The Mako Is Curiously Silent ...

.. especially given all the taunts and bravado flung at the (Great White) Whale Shark these past few weeks. .. Still in the ICU ?
Sibylle's picture

Mako's wife here.  Mako is

Mako's wife here.  Mako is silent, because ever since he hopped out of the pool, he hasn't stopped moving...rumour has that the Whale Shark collapsed into deep sleep right after his victory (by a short margin considering all his training , one might add), woke up for dinner prepared by the lovely Whale Shark's wife, then promptly lost conciousness again.  Meanwhile, Mako has been putting the finishing touches on the Great Wall of North Vancouver, shoveling dirt and rocks, ran in the Terry Fox Run and will participate in the Mountain Highway Madness tomorrow.  When Mako finds some time he surely will respond to your cries, Whale Shark ;-)
Jon Husband's picture

He Is Indeed ...

... an Iron Shark, and a better man than me, all agree on that.
Sibylle's picture

Hugs, Whale Shark!

Hugs, Whale Shark!
Jon Husband's picture

Extra, Extra .. 2008 Duel Results ... Read All About It

Well, folks, it's over. The Mako Shark is now officially a floundering minnow ... his liver got ripped out and chewed up, tasty morsel by tasty morsel, as the (GReat White) Whale Shark led by a body length for the first 20 legths (2500 metres) and then slowly pulled away length after length for the second half of the race. As the Great White Whale shark touched home in 1 hour and 50 minutes, he lazed about at the finish line, waiting and waiting and waiting for the limping Mako Shark to struggle through the last length ... which he eventually did, touching home approximately 110 seconds after the Great White Whale Shark. Rumour has it that the Mako then quietly excused himself to go find an out-of-the-way corner to go and puke his guts out before going to find the glorious Great White to offer his contrite apologies for all the tasteless taunts leading up to the September 11 Duel. It remains to be seen whether the mortally-wounded Mako has any appetite for a return match on september 11, 2009.
MakoShark's picture

Revised Duel Date

Looks like the duel will be this Thursday afternoon.... Reef Shark, Red-Tailed Black Shark, Hammerhead Shark, take note!

MakoShark's picture

Chicken of the Sea

So, when is 15:00 not 15:00, 'ya big guppy?  Thought we had a date?  Getting butterflies there, ole Whale Shark?

FYI.  After an honest day's work, I shovelled 22 wheelbarrows of gravel then did 20 laps at Kits Pool.  I think I'll go to the gym tonite for a little workout.

How flexible are you?  Can you touch your toes?  Can you place your palms flat on the floor?  If you can do that, then bend down, put your head between your legs and kiss your sorry ass goodbye!   Ha ha ha.  You are so dead, pal. 

Jon Husband's picture

Prepare To DIE !!!

September 6, 2008 ... 26 lengths = 3,575 metres . September 7, 2008 ... 6 lengths - 875 metres (full on sprints) , September 8, 2008 ... 26 lengths = 3,575 metres . Your reputation in the Lower Mainland is ON THE LINE !
MakoShark's picture

Rain, No Train

My reputation is not in jeopardy.

Jon Husband's picture

From What I Hear On The Street ...

.. you are the only one who thinks that ...
Jon Husband's picture

YOOHOO .. Here, Mako Mako, Here, Mako

Conspicuously absent from the pool these days, and all I keep hearing are excuses such as: 1. I haven't been training, 2. They closed the pool on me in my neighbourhood for maintenance 3. I don't want to swim when it's cloudy, only sunny and hot, 'cuz I get cold .... waaahhhh (I even gave you a wetsuit tailored for swimming), 4. My wife stole the car on me, 5. I've got meetings You might think you're setting the expectations bar lower, but I think you are just getting ready psychologically to taste the bitter, bitter fruits of ignominious defeat.
MakoShark's picture

My Swim Training for 2008 - by the Mako Shark

I asked at the pewl today, "How many times have I been this year?"  Ready for this?  Including today, I have been four (4) times.  Assuming 2.5K per visit, that means I swam 10K at Kits Pool this year.  To that, add another 5K at the 25M pool down the street over the winter.  So there you have it:  25K of training -total- this year.  

Given that you train twice a day for 5K, five (5) times a week, let's say you  swim more in a week than I do in a year.  Fair enough?

Do you think it's a fair fight?  I sure do!  You are going to suffer not only physical pain, but mental anguish.  Imagine how you will feel when, after 4K of almost lapping me, I come up beside you, stick my tongue out, roll over top of you, kick your goggles off with a casual flap of the foot and calmly continue down the lane as you inhale salt water by the liter?  Laugh now, Whale Shark 'cause you'll be crying later this week!

Jon Husband's picture


.. meant literally !!! Did you not read the comment above about your paltry, whiny, lame-ass excuses ? Try to get up as much mental fortitude as you like .. if you want to keep offering excuses, why don't you just forfeit the match and we'll go drink some beer .. I promise to listen to you whine some more and make feeble excuses
Jon Husband's picture

Training UPDATE - September 5, 2008

Date Stamp: Sept. 5, 2008 Time Stamp: 13h00 - 14h00 Logged 26 lengths 26 X 137.5 metres = 3,575 metres
MakoShark's picture

Whale Shark Sushi

His fate is inevitable.  The Mako Shark is merciful.  Hopefully, the Whale Shark won't suffer long.

MakoShark's picture

Hello there

Feed me!


Jon Husband's picture

You Mean ...

... BITE ME !
Jon Husband's picture

Tell Your Readers The Truth

.. in that picture you are squirming like hell to get away, because I have a firm, twisting and slowly-squeezing grip on your tiny cojones.
Jon Husband's picture

Get Your Training Fins On ....

Date stamp: September 2, 2008 Time stamp: 14h00 - 15h15 ... 24 lengths X 137.5 metres = 3,300 metres Fresh as a daisy ! By the way, check your challenge above ... it's only 20 laps = 40 lengths. 80 lengths would equal 11 kilometres (which I am fine to go in terms of distance, if you really want a thrashing !).
MakoShark's picture

Pool Hours and Dates

My buddy Rick warned me that the pool closes on the 14th.  Here are fall hours and dates: 



Based on what I saw you swim yesterday (e.g. 4 lengths before you rolled over and started to blow bubbles...), you are going to be whale shark sushi 

MakoShark's picture

Glad to hear from you, little fishie

Actually, 40 lengths X 137m per length = 5.480m or just over 5 kilometers. Which end of the gene pool did you come out of, Whale Shark?

Bring it on!  I'm good to go for 11K if you are...


I haven't done anything with this club before but I'll see ya at the pool !
MakoShark's picture

Oh Oh

I will write my will this weekend.  It looks like I am going to be eaten up.  What kind of shark are you?

MakoShark's picture

Duel Date

Yikes. 5K is a long way to swim. That's 40 laps, eh? The Whale Shark is currently in Montreal. I understand he has been doing laps in his hotel bathtub. May have to postpone the duel date...especially if there are other sharks out there planning to call our bluff. If it's the Black-Tipped Reef Shark I think it is, this old Mako just pee'd himself and is heading for the nearest hidey-hole in the coral!

Blacktip Reef Shark

Hey Jackson, Rumor is that there may be a blacktip reef shark joining you for the duel. This shark does well in captivity and this particular one can often be found swimming in a large aquarium in Langley. W

Breast stroke

I might join you - after the long morning marathon training run this should be good cross training; I might be a bit late. Would be great if some of the other fools could come out for something different.
MakoShark's picture

Nice to be back in the pool, Whale Shark

It was a bit dicey because my ribs started to poke out after the ski crash there, but tonight it was back into the pool for old Mako.  Only 25 minutes.  Nothing to get the runs over.  I'm being straight with you... you currently have a leg up, but enjoy it while it lasts because I've duct-taped my ribs back together and I've got your number...

MakoShark's picture

How's the water in Montreal?

Been training much this week, Whale Shark?  Me neither.  I've been sharpening my teeth, though. 

Chomp, chomp...


MakoShark's picture

Fishie, fishie in the sea...

How's the water in Lake Okeechbee?

It's a swamp, brother Whale Shark.  You paid all of that $$ to go to Florida for some secret training and all you got to swim in is a swamp.  Watch your back when you're swimming in the swamp, because I told cousin snapping turtle you were coming.

Little Mako has down in the corals observing the Whale Shark.  Biding his time, sharpening his teeth...

Chomp, chomp

Jon Husband's picture

Waa Waa Whiny-ass Titty Baby

You forgot to mention up above that the bathtub in question was 50 metres long and lined on both sides by scantily-clad Quebecoises who were cheering on the Whale Shark to truly terror-inducing 100 metre splits. You FAT ass is so toast, brutha ! By the way, need to change the date to sometime before September 15, as the Kits pool's last day open is September 14th. And with that, over and out .. off to do a 3,000 metre training splash this afternoon. Suck it up, my friend.
MakoShark's picture


Glub, glub. My what a big mouth you have, Whale Shark!

You called the date... just another of the concessions I have allowed you, Whale Shark.  Is there anything else I can do to make you comfortable during your final hours?


Jon Husband's picture

Re: Final Request ...

.. before your summary execution. I would like you to arrange for me a two-hour long amorous interlude, that morning, with a lovely concubine ... two hours should calm me down just enough for you to be competitive, at least for the first half of the race.

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