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The 2006 Kits Pool 5K Challenge ...

Duel at the Pool - 1
... is now over.

Today, September 12, 2006 Lesser Mako Jackson and Maybe Dick Husband splashed to a decisive draw today on a beautiful mid-September super-natural BC day.  Jackson first used the obvious manipulative ploy all weenies use when announcing this morning that today was the only day this week that he could perhaps take enough time from his supposedly over-crowded schedule to try to gain the Kits 5K Challenge.

Of course, to announce his constraint he picked 7 hours after Maybe Dick (or "wise" fatherly figure to the psychologically and emotionally imbalanced Jackson - a boy in a man's body) got off a 5 hour flight from Toronto after putting in a grueling 12 hour day the previous day.  Regardless of the bogus handicapping, the whale shark agreed to give him a go.

It was a magnificent and delightful disaster for our dynamic duo.  Lesser Mako was obliterated over the first 500m leg as the whale showed just how powerfully dominant he was over medium distances.  For the second 500m leg, Lesser Mako picked up some points as Maybe Dick abruptly was reminded that he had just gotten out of a cab from a late-night flight 8 or 9 hours previously.

A quick confab confirmed with Lesser Mako that he would become the "official winner", as Maybe D was not prepared to battle it out over 40 lengths after being handed - nay, confronted - with such an obvious and devious handicap as being forced into the swim with essentially no notice and no choice.

Duel at the Pool - 2

Nevertheless ... our dependable dyad looked at each other and agreed to keep swimming, to turn it into a fun and friendly workout and see how far we got.

We ended up swimming over 3 km at an impressive clip, first in sets of four lengths (550m) and then sets of two lengths (275m), with Lesser Mako maintaining a steadier pace whilst Maybe Dick rested up more but usually caught up with LM from behind, or more accurately about 65% of the time demonstrably opening a can of whup-ass on LM's scrawny little derriere.

So, .. official concession in favour of the weaselly Lesser Mako (and kudos to him for maintaining a consistent blistering pace, showing that the years of endurance sports training provide some sort of cover for his essential craven search for self-respect), whilst it became abundantly clear that under anything even remotely approaching fair or standard conditions (including several days advance notice) .. Maybe Dick is the superior fish.  Over the last several two-length sets, it was all Lesser Mako could do to keep within hailing distance of the now-certified Great White (known to friends now Mostly Dick).

Photos by the lovely Katja to follow, and this year's teaser promises to evolve into a public humiliation for Jackson next summer ... at the 2nd Annual Kits Maybe-Possibly 5K Challenge

Comments

Ean Jackson's picture

Mako Shark Bites Whale Shark in the Ass

The problem with blogs is that any half wit with Internet access can write their own version of history.

Since there were few credible witnesses to the Duel at the Pool, the reader will have to choose between believing the bellicose Whale Shark or the earnest Mako.  Here, then is the only accurate account of today's duel:

True, the Whale Shark did benefit from an extra 3 hours of sleep on an airplane while the poor Mako worked until the wee hours of this morning.  However, the accommodating Mako moved mountains to allow the Duel at the Pool to even take place. Given the incessant whining on the part of the sensitive Whale Shark, it's a wonder the Duel ever took place at all! 

If truth be told, your friend the Mako toyed with the lumbering Whale Shark for the first 500m.  A little shoulder bump here, some feet-slapping there, some back stroke and even a bit of dog paddle just to break things up and keep the old whale in the play.

Acknowledged that the crafty Whale Shark didn't roll over and die immediately.  After gobbling down a couple of HammerGels, the Whale Shark actually got a few belly-lengths ahead of the Mako by kilometer 3.25...but completely spent himself in the process.  The Mako continued for another 250m before succumbing from the whining from the pool deck.  "Mama.  Mama.  I need some coffee, a chocolate croissant, a nanaimo bar, a whole grain bar and a couple of muffins or I will pass out from the whipping I have just been delivered by the Mako!" 

 

Ean Jackson's picture

Duel at the Pool - POSTPONED

The Duel at the Pool is not over...it's just postponed till next summer, you doofus. (Unless you want to sneak into Kits Pool one fine evening next week?)

Jon Husband's picture

2006 Means This Year, Not Next ...

You're the doofus .. takes one to know one ;-)
Ean Jackson's picture

You are what you say

This from my 8-year old who knows a bully when he sees one

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